My teenager is working now and is gone in the evening most nights until after dinner. My preteen boy is at soccer and trying to spread his wings of manhood. . . today, I realized I want my kids back.
We’ve become so busy moving from event to event that I was ready to encourage my husband to take a job in Spain just so we would all have no friends, no job, no activities scheduled, just more time for each other.
I want that slowed down, snuggle, look into their eyes moments back. I’ve even gotten into the habit of listening to “spa” music in the car just to slow my own mind down so that I could be present when their around.
I’m tired of running. I’m tired of us not being ALL together all the time. I have lost control of our sanctity and I don’t have any idea of how to get it back.
I often wonder if it’s because I’m at work again and I begin to cry and feel such guilt. You know the mother sets the tone for the day, and the evening, and when the mother is a taxi, dog walker, grocery clerk, laundry attendant, and works full-time the mother is exhausted and misses opportunities that she will never get back.
I’m googling theater times, events to do with your kids, etc. all to entice them to be with us tonight all-knowing that I’m exhausted and just want to go home and crawl in bed. I wish they could crawl in bed with me and just rest.
I’ll go home, walk the dog, make dinner, and hope I meet my needs tonight. Tonight, I just want my kids.